Inappropriate Time to Laugh #9: I Took the Day Off

December 30, 2011

It is a very good day– I am still in my PJ’s and it’s 3 pm.  I am lounging on the couch with my boyfriend.  Regular people are at work.  Suckers.

I love taking the day off when I know other people are working.  At some point in the day, I like to check the facebook statuses of the people at work, just so I can feel extra awesome that I am not in the office!!

This is what I am doing with my day off


Rant #18: Tourists in NYC

December 29, 2011

I am sorry, I know I  live in the greatest city on earth and I should be proud that people want to see it.  But, Holy Expletive Batman, these people are KILLING me.  There are a few issues regarding tourists that drive ALL New Yorkers nuts.

1)  The abrupt stop and look up.  You CANNOT do this.  Step to the side of the side walk, give us some warning, or something.  I will run you over, because I don’t expect you to randomly stop.  They are buildings, most of them have offices in them; there is nothing special about them.  OMG, they are tall.

2) Linking arms to take up the whole side walk.  You HAVE to give people the chance to pass you.  We are in a rush.  How do I know everyone is in a rush?  Because everyone in NYC times their lives down to the minute.  It takes me 27 minutes to walk to work.  If I can’t pass you, I am late.

3)  The blinking orange hand – that means hurry up across the street, not stop.  If you block the cross walk for this, and make people miss the light, you will get scolded.  I almost knocked a man holding his Macy’s bags over, because he was going to get me stuck in the middle of Park Avenue.  That is just torture.

4)  Tourists, please, get out of midtown and the financial district from 8 am – 9:30 am and 5 pm – 7 pm.  Stay off the subways too.  You will be a lot more comfortable when everyone is in work.  There is plenty to see and do in the City.  There is no reason to fight with people going to and from work.   They will always win.

People say New Yorkers are rude.  We are not rude.  We truly respect everyone else’s time, and strive to take up as little of it as possible.  We have no interest in prying into your private business, nor do we want to interrupt your day.  Some how, this idea of efficiency is just lost on these freaking tourists.


Rant #17: Last One in The Office

December 28, 2011

Oh Hello, Fancy seeing you here, since I am the LAST ONE IN THE OFFICE.  I am a legal assistant, people.  My job isn’t that important.  So, why is my bottom chained to the seat?  Why aren’t the important people here?  If the days between Christmas and New Years are so unimportant, that NO ONE comes in, why have ANY ONE here?  Close the office!! 

But, NOOOOOOO… when all the bosses are gone, they have their assistants stuck in the office until 5:30 pm, so if the phone rings, the assistant can say, “He’s in Aspen right now… Nope, he won’t answer you until the new year.” It is pointless. Now, all of the assistants left, and I am twiddling my thumbs until 6pm.  Great use of personnel. 

Eff it.  I’m leaving too.


Rant #16: Rude Humbug ‘Tudes

December 22, 2011

I hate when people wreck your mood.  I was all smiley and happy (it must be hard to imagine) and a number of people set out to make that mood change.

It’s a nice day; it’s the last day before a small break for Christmas; my spirits are high, as they should be.  So, I went to the pharmacy, waited in a long line, but the guy who helped me was super nice.  My spirits were still super high.  I got bit my the Holiday Cheer Bug, so I decided to go do some Christmas Shopping.  What a BUZZ KILL. 

I know I pouted about people who get angry while Christmas Shopping.  I didn’t want to be one of them; I tried my HARDEST to stay chipper.  But, the people at Coach bitched at me.  I walked up to what should have been the register, with the EXACT item I wanted to purchase.  All I needed was a gift box.  After demanding EVERY piece of personal information, like my address, telephone number, and email address (I don’t want your spam), which I had to watch the angry cashier try to type in, they took the item into the back room, and made me wait 20 minutes.  FOR A GIFT BOX.  I understand they were busy getting other people things from the back room and they were trying to be posh, but come on!  I had to stand there after I paid, without my item (God Knows what they were actually going to put in the bag), and waste all the time I had to get myself food.  All of this would have been fine and dandy, if I wasn’t getting snotted at the whole time.  I get shit on all day at work.  I don’t need to spend money to deal with your mood ruining attitude.

People, this is my favorite season of the year.  It is the season of giving, joy, warmth, and cheer.  It is a season of happy music (besides that horrible shoe song), eggnog, and outlandish activities, like putting a Tree indoors.  Aside from maybe Disney World, nothing on earth is as magical as Christmas.  Don’t you dare try to ruin this for me with your Ebenezer ‘tude.


Inappropriate Time to Laugh #8: Angry Shoppers

December 21, 2011

So, I was in line at Godiva today, doing some last minute shopping.  Well, for me it is last minute, but for some other people not so much.  To each his own. But, EVERYONE knows it’s Christmas time, and the lines are going to be completely outrageous.  It makes me laugh when people get mad that there is a line!  Seriously?  What did you expect?

It is the last couple of working days before Christmas, a lot of people are going to take off early.  I was in the Godiva store, which is connected to Grand Central, in Midtown…  Really Business Dude – You really think you are the only boss buying his assistant chocolates around lunch time?  Getting huffy, stomping your feet, and mumbling under your breath just isn’t going to make the line magically go faster!

To be fair, it did make me laugh that there were only two cashiers for about 60 people who were crammed into the tiny store front.  Sweet logic, Godiva!  (Sweet pun, Me!)


Rant #15: The Time Paradox

December 20, 2011

Did you ever notice that when you are doing something boring (i.e. working) time seems to just stop? But, then when you are doing something like getting ready for Christmas, for example, time seems to just disappear?

This has been annoying me this morning.  I have 8 bazillion things to do to get ready for Christmas, and instead, I am watching the minutes just take their time, refusing to tick by.  I’ll get up, do some work, check my email, play some words with friends, and then think to myself, “it has to be an hour later!”  Nope, 6 minutes.  How am I going to fill an 8 hour work day?  If every 6 minutes feels like an hour, then that means every hour is going to feel like 10 hours, therefore, today I will be working what seems to be an 80 work day.  Ugh.

All I can think about is what I need to do tonight in the 3-4 hours after work, which by the way, take about 30 seconds to happen.  I look away and all of a sudden, the clock changes from 7:15 to 11:30.  And then, I lay down, close my eyes, and the alarm goes off to wake up and get ready for work!


Inappropriate Time to Laugh #7: Building “Security”

December 16, 2011

So, in NYC, after certain events, there has been a trend of heightened security, fire drills, emergency kits, and a bunch of other precautionary measures, especially in office buildings.  I understand that some of it is helpful, and some of it is just to make us feel safe.  But, the guys in the lobby of my building just make me laugh.

This crack squad of overweight and/or non-english speaking dudes don’t even bother to check your ID.  People just waltz in and out– we might as well not even have a security desk.  I forgot my ID when I went out to lunch today.  I came back and went to the security desk to say, “Could you please let me in?”  The rotund man, who I have never seen before, just replied “ehh” and waved me upstairs.  He didn’t ask what floor, to see my license, or even what company.  Way to make me feel safe, guy.  Keep on making sure ANYONE can get in.

Oh, PS, we have the Dutch Embassy Offices upstairs.  You would think the security desk would be a little concerned.  Just a little.