Rant #12: Why Do I Need To Wear My Jacket Inside?

Why do they keep office buildings SO cold?  Seriously, the men in my building don’t wear suits, and they tend to agree with all of the frozen women.  And by the way, this office is mostly women, and most people have space heaters.  So, why are they keeping the office at a temperature that would give an Eskimo a chill?

Now, I am not advocating for an 80 degree office.  I just want an office that I can take my coat off in.  You know, one where there isn’t a violent wind whipping out of the air conditioning ducts.  Just an office where gloves are not necessary.  I have worked outside the majority of my life, and I would prefer freezing day outside to this drafty office.  At least when you are outside, you expect to be wearing a hat, gloves, scarf, and an overcoat. 

Maybe, companies could stop wasting so much money on excess AC, and use that money toward, hmmm… I don’t know, PAYING ME MORE.

Rant #11: The Snow Obsession

So that was a HUGE snow storm last night.  Let the season of overreactions and nonstop talk about the weather begin.

We are not in school anymore; snow days very rarely mean a fun day to stay home, while your mom makes cookies and hot chocolate.  Why do we all have to focus on it?  OMG, it’s SNOW, I have never seen such a magical white power.  Get over it, people.  Quit buying all the bread, milk, and water in the grocery store.  How many sandwiches can you eat in a week?  Really, you are going to drink ALL of that milk before it goes bad?

Snow makes the morning commute really stink, especially in the City– I get it.  Most people with real jobs can work from home on those days… so stay home.  Take a sick day.  I don’t care.  I will be stomping to work with my big boots and heavy coat no matter what the weather, because I am not important enough to be allowed to work remotely.  I don’t need to hear you hem and haw about when to come in, if you should come in, or if your kids have school or not.  We live in the Northeast, weather happens.  Most of the time, like last night, it is completely irrelevant and underwhelming.

Rant #10: Occupy Wall Street

C’mon guys, I don’t want to hear anything else about Occupy Wall Street. 

While I can sympathize with the occupiers, the “movement” is over.  The problems are very real.  I understand, first hand, what it is like to be over-qualified, over-educated, and under-paid.  I understand what it is like to hate every waking moment of your so-called “career.”  Furthermore, I understand what it is like to be unemployed and looking for this phantom thing known as a job.  But, that doesn’t mean you should just give up and go complain about how life is unfair.

Life is unfair.  There are winners and there are losers.  People pick teams; people push other people down to advance themselves.  This is how the world works.  What we were taught in elementary school is a complete lie, and it did our whole generation a disservice to have teachers, parents, and coaches shelter us from the lesson of perseverance.  Not everyone gets a trophy.  Deal with it.

I apologize for the lack of comedy in this post, but it has been weighing on me for quite sometime.  I am tired of the complaining or the expectation that society or the government is going to hand you the life you want.  Wall Street is actually a shining example of hard work, perseverance, and the possibilities for rewards.  Maybe some people do get more of a reward than they deserve, but how would I know?  Am I jealous of their comp? Absolutely.  Do I want to do their job?  No– not at all.

People need to take more responsibility for themselves.  Occupy Wall Street is just another group of people pointing their finger at someone else.  As the saying goes, when you point your finger, your other fingers point back at you.

Rant #9: When it Rains, it Pours

I just should have stayed in bed today.  It’s raining, I hurt my back, and oh yeah, there is this little thing called work.  I guess it is penance for having a good day yesterday. 

‘Ever notice, when you are having a not-so-great day, all the sudden it just snowballs?  I was late again today, but one of my bosses noticed.  I walked by the office of my boss’s boss, and the Lady who caught me being late was throwing me under the bus for something she screwed up!  And then, THE SAME LADY called me into her office to yell at me about something else she told me to do!!  This all happened before 10:15 am.  I wish I could tell her, “Lady, just because you are completely incompetent, doesn’t give you the right to treat me like shit.”

OH, and in a meeting last week, this [enter your own choice word here] Lady was talking about how someone was rude to her, and that there is absolutely NO reason to ever be rude to anyone.  Well, Lady, you are rude to me EVERY day!  Chew on that one, you bleepity bleepity bleep bleep bleeper.

Inappropriate Time to Laugh #5: A Workless Workday

I don’t think it’s that inappropriate, more of a chuckle over an observation that you all may appreciate.  Or not, whatever- I am in way too good of a mood to care.

Today has been a really good day, so far.  It’s 1 pm, and I am not angry!!  I asked myself why this could be, and how I could recreate this feeling everyday.  And then I giggled a little.  These are the reasons why I could POSSIBLY be happy at work:

-I showed up 20 minutes late, and I wasn’t really concerned about it.
-I had NO new emails this morning.
-My boss is out of the office.
-My phone has not rang 1 time.
-I have spent all morning catching up on the news, doing crossword puzzles, and dabbling in some online Christmas shopping.

Today has been a really good day, BECAUSE I HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING RELATED TO WORK!  I am getting paid to do nothing but sit here, and I am pretty pumped about it.  It truly makes me laugh: in order to be a happy person, I can’t do any work. 

Moral of the Story:  I need a new job.

Rant #8: Why Can’t I Nap?

I am truly exhausted today.  It has been a long, shitty week.  It feels longer and shittier than usual.  I am completely disappointed that I am not allowed to take a nap at my desk.

I am lucky enough to sit by a window, and the sunshine is pouring into my desk area.  If we had a dog in the office, it would want to lay right where my chair is.  Despite being drafty and fridgid in this hell hole, my face is warm from the sun.  It would feel absolutely heavenly, if I wasn’t at work. 

I am tired, bored, and sitting in the sun; wouldn’t you want to nap?  I don’t want to worry about rescheduling a meeting for some ass that just wants to leave early on a Friday, no matter how many people he jerks around.  Nor do I want to talk to the peppy fat secretary who gets over excited about EVERYTHING.  (Really?  You are flipping out because some one has candy?  What are you, 5? We are in NYC, there is a Duane Reade on EVERY corner, go down and buy your fat ass your own candy.)

Please, God, let me take a “disco” nap for the next five hours, so I can wake up refreshed and pumped to get rowdie in a POS bar with shuffleboard, buck hunter, and pinball.  I cannot wait for that first beer.

Inappropriate Time to Laugh #4: My Inner Humologue

So, I have had the giggles ALL DAY.  Why you ask?  I have a completely inappropriate piece of a song stuck in my head.

My boss has come over to ask me questions, and I can’t help but hear the creepy, dirty, and overall workplace inappropriate lyrics looping in my head.  It makes me want to hum or sing the lyrics out loud, but I am pretty sure I would get fired.  This seems to be a typical issue for me.  Some songs that have been previously stuck in my head:

-Cee Lo Green: F*ck You
-Reggie Watts: Fuck Shit Stack
-Macklemore: And We Danced
-SNL: Like a Boss

Today, however, the source of my true amusement is….. The Ghostbusters Theme Song.  Some might say, “Well, that song is innocent enough.”  Not the part I have in my head….