Inappropriate Time to Laugh #13: Falling Friends and Family

January 31, 2012

My poor friends and family.  Really – I feel bad for them.  When they come to me with sore bums and hurt pride from falling in a public space… I just can’t help but laugh.  Seriously, can you just imagine… some one you know, being THAT person! The person that people run back to their desk to gchat their friends about… “HEY – I SAW SOMEONE TOTALLY EAT SHIT!!”

I just find slapstick humor very funny – I can’t help it.  I just can’t.  So, when someone very very very dear to me texted me about a horrible fall-escalator-in front of a bunch of people disaster… I felt so bad, but I couldn’t stop myself – I laughed. And then passed on these pictures to ease the tension my laughter created…


Rant #29: Questions for the Ages.

January 30, 2012

I have been pondering these questions.  The nature of the questions will convey my point.

How do you not notice when:

-You pee on the seat?  You have to turn around to flush.
-Spill your beverage in the kitchen?  You have less in your glass.
-Talk on the phone to loudly?  Everyone closes their doors… if they are lucky enough to have doors.
-Share too much personal information?  Seriously, breast pumps are TMI.

Why do you think I care about:

-Your opinion?
-Your ideas surrounding politics?
-What you should get your boyfriend for Valentines Day?
-How much work you claim to be doing?

 Do you really think you are too important to:

-Say please and thank you?
-Remember anyone’s name?
-Put more paper in the printer when it runs out?
-Check your own calendar?
-Use your inside voice inside?

Even Mr. Rude Has Better Manners than You.

Rant #28: Eating Habits

January 27, 2012

I have been holding out on this topic for quite some time.  This is possibly the MOST annoying thing in the world to me.  I can’t even describe the feeling of rage and utter annoyance that a slurp or an open mouth chew gives me.  I should NEVER be able to hear you eat.

If you are going to eat crunchy cereal at work, you better know how to eat properly.  You better close your mouth when you chew, refrain from slurping off your spoon, and be able to put a spoon in your mouth without scraping your teeth across it.  SERIOUSLY PEOPLE… DOES NO ONE ELSE NOTICE???

Manners were a very big part of my upbringing.  Manners at the dinner table were emphasized… to say the least.  They were so important, that if we had a silent supper at my house, you wouldn’t have even known we were eating.

To hear some one eat is truly torture to me.  I understand that I may be a little extreme on this, but to hear you smack your lips while your food and beverage swish around in your mouth, makes me want to simultaneously vomit and punch you so hard you won’t be able to eat for weeks.

Inappropriate Time to Laugh #12: Useless Bosses

January 26, 2012

I was out of the office for a long weekend… Thursday through Monday.  I thought – no big deal; people can fend for themselves for THREE days.  Apparently, I was wrong.

It truly makes me laugh – how helpless can you be?  I had a request on Thursday to print something out… on Tuesday, I came back to find out – NO ONE figured out how to hit print!  Not only did I have several emails asking for some of the DUMBEST stuff, my desk was buried in papers.  No no, not neatly stacked like you may have thought.  Scattered all over my desk, key board, and chair… some with post-its saying things like “scan this” or “FedEx this”.  Really?  Really?  I don’t know if they even figured out how to pick up the phone while I was away.

You may be thinking, “Well, it is nice to be needed.”  In this case, not so much.  I don’t mind the actual work I do, what I mind is wiping dribble off the chins of adults that supposedly function in the real world.  I mean, how would you ever get reservations at a restaurant if you didn’t have an assistant to make them?

Moral of the Story: No matter how smart, successful, or high powered you are… You are useless if you can’t properly use a printer.

Rant #27: On Hold

January 25, 2012

Have you ever noticed… when you call a bank/hotel/credit card company/cable company and they put you on hold, something comes up that you IMMEDIATELY have to do?  Work, or another phone call, or having to pee – it doesn’t matter.  There is always the debate of… should I do this other thing, wait for these other people, or try to do both?

You never want to hang up with the company you are on hold with… generally, they have already transferred you 15 times, and you have told all 15 people the exact same 5 minute issue.  You have already invested so much time, you would rather cut off your own toes than go through it all again… BUT the thing that just came up is REALLY important.  So, what can you do?

AND YOU KNOW – if you try to do both… as soon as you are in the middle of the thing that came up – you will be connected with the right person and you won’t be able to talk to them.

Rant #26: Crime TV, Thanks for Making Me Paranoid.

January 20, 2012

OMG – There is a man working outside the window of my building and it scared the bejesus out of me.  I am on the 10th floor, and there is a rather large ledge outside my window.  But, I was just messing around on the internet, as per usual, and there he was, just peeking in the window.

It wasn’t like he was being creepy or anything.  He certainly isn’t going to tell my boss that I was not doing work.  But, Holy Shnikes. To see a random man outside my window checking out the building, made me leap out of my seat.  I don’t even know if he can see inside.  But, there was that split second that all the “Criminal Minds” and “Law and Order” episodes came rushing into my head, and I thought, “My God, I am either going to die, or now this dude is going to stalk me and then I am going to die.”

Thanks crime tv – I am now paranoid about construction workers.

Inappropriate Time to Laugh #11: Chocolate… FOR BREAKFAST

January 19, 2012

So many times, I have thought to myself, “Being an adult really stinks.”  And it does… with a few exceptions.  One part that stinks is the dependence on coffee – which for me means: not functioning at all until AT LEAST the second cup.  But, as many people know, if you are going to have at least two cups of coffee, you must have a little something in your tummy.  I am just way to cheap to buy breakfast, so I usually comb the office for freebies.

This morning, there is no one here, and therefore, no free food.  EXCEPT for the Godiva Truffles… So, I had CHOCOLATE for BREAKFAST!!  I know, I know – I am going end up like Paula Dean (too soon?) or on the Biggest Loser, but sometimes a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do.  I love chocolate, and I have to cling to the joys of being an adult.  No one is going to stop me from stuffing my face at any time throughout the day!