Inappropriate Time to Laugh #12: Useless Bosses

January 26, 2012

I was out of the office for a long weekend… Thursday through Monday.  I thought – no big deal; people can fend for themselves for THREE days.  Apparently, I was wrong.

It truly makes me laugh – how helpless can you be?  I had a request on Thursday to print something out… on Tuesday, I came back to find out – NO ONE figured out how to hit print!  Not only did I have several emails asking for some of the DUMBEST stuff, my desk was buried in papers.  No no, not neatly stacked like you may have thought.  Scattered all over my desk, key board, and chair… some with post-its saying things like “scan this” or “FedEx this”.  Really?  Really?  I don’t know if they even figured out how to pick up the phone while I was away.

You may be thinking, “Well, it is nice to be needed.”  In this case, not so much.  I don’t mind the actual work I do, what I mind is wiping dribble off the chins of adults that supposedly function in the real world.  I mean, how would you ever get reservations at a restaurant if you didn’t have an assistant to make them?

Moral of the Story: No matter how smart, successful, or high powered you are… You are useless if you can’t properly use a printer.


Inappropriate Time to Laugh #10: So You Think Your Job is Bad…

January 10, 2012

All day, I have just been sitting here listening to people to complain about their jobs.  Whining about other groups getting more than what they have or a boss liking someone else better.  It just makes me laugh.  Not only should they be thankful they have a job in this economy, they should also be thankful that they don’t have my old job.

At my old job, if you didn’t hit 80 hours a week, management didn’t think you were working hard enough.  During these long days, you spent most of the time printing out pages that were only going to be thrown away because someone changed their mind.  You were lucky if you made it through the day without someone calling you stupid, trying to make you look bad, or screaming and swearing at you.  Everyday, someone in the office literally cried.  At one point, someone my level chucked a stapler at a person the level above us.  Yeah, he didn’t get in trouble.  Seriously, nothing happened to him.  This was the type of job that invaded your life– so much so, that when weekends rolled around, and you happened to be out of the office, you dreaded your phone ringing… because you know there was a very real possibility of being told to drop what you were doing, and go straight to work, for three days, without sleep.

These people can groan about having to stay until 7 pm (OMG!!) and not getting to go to some meeting at a hotel.  They can piss their pants about someone else’s benefits.  I just sit here and giggle, because this is cake compared to the soul suck that I used to work at.  Just one time, I would love to watch these people pull a hand truck stacked with 20 boxes across 3rd Ave, and up the ramp to the freight elevator, in suit and 4 inch heels.


Rant #17: Last One in The Office

December 28, 2011

Oh Hello, Fancy seeing you here, since I am the LAST ONE IN THE OFFICE.  I am a legal assistant, people.  My job isn’t that important.  So, why is my bottom chained to the seat?  Why aren’t the important people here?  If the days between Christmas and New Years are so unimportant, that NO ONE comes in, why have ANY ONE here?  Close the office!! 

But, NOOOOOOO… when all the bosses are gone, they have their assistants stuck in the office until 5:30 pm, so if the phone rings, the assistant can say, “He’s in Aspen right now… Nope, he won’t answer you until the new year.” It is pointless. Now, all of the assistants left, and I am twiddling my thumbs until 6pm.  Great use of personnel. 

Eff it.  I’m leaving too.

Inappropriate Time to Laugh #8: Angry Shoppers

December 21, 2011

So, I was in line at Godiva today, doing some last minute shopping.  Well, for me it is last minute, but for some other people not so much.  To each his own. But, EVERYONE knows it’s Christmas time, and the lines are going to be completely outrageous.  It makes me laugh when people get mad that there is a line!  Seriously?  What did you expect?

It is the last couple of working days before Christmas, a lot of people are going to take off early.  I was in the Godiva store, which is connected to Grand Central, in Midtown…  Really Business Dude – You really think you are the only boss buying his assistant chocolates around lunch time?  Getting huffy, stomping your feet, and mumbling under your breath just isn’t going to make the line magically go faster!

To be fair, it did make me laugh that there were only two cashiers for about 60 people who were crammed into the tiny store front.  Sweet logic, Godiva!  (Sweet pun, Me!)

Rant #2: Blame Your Assistant

November 16, 2011

I HATE when people blame their assistant for their incompetence.  Apparently, it is professional to pass the blame on the person coordinating your life, even WHEN THEY ARE STANDING THERE.   “My assistant never brought me that file.”  “My assistant never forwarded me that email.”  “My assistant never told me about that appointment.”  Here’s a question: If your assistant NEVER does anything, why haven’t you fired them??

If you have an assistant, do yourself a favor, check your files, check your messages, check your emails.  I am sure that 95% of the time you will find exactly what you are looking for.

Along a similar line, READ THE WHOLE EMAIL or EMAIL CHAIN.  The most annoying emails are the ones that ask you to restate the entire previous email.  If you have time to write an email asking a stupid question, you have time to read the email I sent you.

Bottom line:  Your disorganization, inability to read, and complete incompetence is not the fault of the person working for you.  If you constantly are blaming your assistant, YOU are most likely the problem.