Rant #33: I.T.

February 28, 2012

I know I haven’t posted in a while.  It may be that I have been better at managing my anger or (God Forbid) I may have been happy recently.  (GASP)   All of that changed today.

I hate IT departments.  Once in a while, a knowledgeable person will answer the phone.  BUT! Most of the time, you get an idiot, a certifiable (if there is such a thing) I-D-I-O-T, IDIOT.  Here is how my FORTY minute conservation went:

-I can’t open any word document from the database.  It gives me XYZ error message for every doc I try to open.
-hhhhmmm.  Let me try opening a document… (pause) I don’t seem to be getting that error.
-Well, I have tried asking other people to open the same doc, and they don’t get an error, so it must be my computer.
-hhhmmm.  Is this a 2003 word doc or a 2010 word doc?
-That particular doc is 2003, but it makes no difference.  I can’t open ANY word doc.
-How about I make you a new version of this doc and you see if that helps?
-I don’t see how it would, it is not just this document.  I cannot open ANY word document, whether or not I created it.
-Oh, so you can open any word document?

(And repeat.)

NO ASS HOLE.  I OBVIOUSLY HAVEN’T BEEN SAYING THAT.

This makes my blood boil, I think my veins are going to boil over and I am either going to explode with rage or have a heart attack.  Either way, I would be in a better place than sitting here on the phone with IT.

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Rant #31: Fans

February 3, 2012

The Super Bowl is coming up – and this is a really important one, if you are in the North East.  There seems to be a lot of football talk happening… and I like most of it.  But, I HATE A-Hole fans.

Full Disclosure: I am a Giants Fan.  I want the Giants to win.

Not all fans are A-Holes.  (I mean, let’s be serious, not everyone is from Boston… or Philly.)  I have no problem with anyone wanting a team other than “my” team to win.  Zero problem.  I have a problem with fans that feel the need to call great plays made by the other team “lucky” or a “fluke.”  Look people, as much as it kills you to even think it… The guys on the other team worked as hard as “your” guys did.  No matter who wins, the game will be fair.

Also, there is a reason why I am putting quotes around “my” and “your”:  You and I are NOT a part of the Team.  I am not a player for the Giants, so therefore, I am not going to talk shit and say, “we are going to crush you.”  I am sorry, I may love the Giants, but I am not a 250 lbs athletic man.  When we cheer for “our” team, we say, “Go GIANTS!!”  Not, “Go US!!!”

Side Note: Suck it, Pats Fans.


Why Are You Telling Me This #1: Stretch Marks

February 2, 2012

People have a habit of over-sharing with me.  I never ever EVER thought I was a “TMI” kind of person – I thought I would never care what details people decided to tell me.  For the most part, I still don’t.  But, there is always that one person that decides they are going to push the boundaries; they are going to test my gag reflex.  They are just going to go for it.

Everyday, I come into work, mind my own business, and try my best not to talk to ANYONE.  This is on purpose.  It is not because I am antisocial or shy.  It is because the people here are certifiable.  I just try to take Rusty’s advice – “be specific but not memorable, be funny but don’t make him laugh. He’s got to like you then forget you the moment you’ve left his side.”  This is how I try to get through the work day.

With that in mind, why would you tell ME about your stretch marks from pregnancy?  I don’t care what yours look like in comparison to your friend’s.  IN FACT, I don’t want to hear about what it was like to be pregnant or give birth.  I don’t want to know about anything regarding your reproductive organs.  WHY DO YOU THINK I CARE?


Rant #27: On Hold

January 25, 2012

Have you ever noticed… when you call a bank/hotel/credit card company/cable company and they put you on hold, something comes up that you IMMEDIATELY have to do?  Work, or another phone call, or having to pee – it doesn’t matter.  There is always the debate of… should I do this other thing, wait for these other people, or try to do both?

You never want to hang up with the company you are on hold with… generally, they have already transferred you 15 times, and you have told all 15 people the exact same 5 minute issue.  You have already invested so much time, you would rather cut off your own toes than go through it all again… BUT the thing that just came up is REALLY important.  So, what can you do?

AND YOU KNOW – if you try to do both… as soon as you are in the middle of the thing that came up – you will be connected with the right person and you won’t be able to talk to them.


Rant #25: We Aren’t Friends.

January 13, 2012

I have been having this issue – especially in the office.  I am tired of people thinking we are friends, and we are just not.  There it is, I said it.  We seriously are not friends.

Please people, unless I have given you my number or personal email, don’t pretend to know me well enough to give me advice.  Everyone HAS to put their two cents in.  I have known you for 5 minutes and have said almost nothing about my personal life, so OBVIOUSLY you have extensive knowledge about what my next move should be.

There are somethings you should not talk about with coworkers or friends of friends.  I don’t care what your doctor told you – and his advice certainly does not apply to me.  Anything having to do with my relationship – butt out.  You haven’t even met the person you are talking about – you have no idea how either one of us feel.  Furthermore, don’t even try to give me career advice… don’t tell me how to network.  I don’t network here, because I don’t want to be in this shit hole any longer than I have to be.

I don’t care how old/successful/well educated you are – you need to keep you opinions to yourself… As the saying goes, Opinions are like Assholes, everyone has one and they all STINK.


Rant #20: Stop SCREAMING into Your Phone

January 4, 2012

I can certainly be a loud person, and I can certainly lose my temper and yell at people over the phone.  But, it truly irks me when people speak in an unnecessarily loud volume during a normal phone conversation.

I am not talking about when old people yell into the phone, because they either can’t hear you or they think cell phones don’t work like regular phones.  I am talking about people who WANT you to hear their IMPORTANT phone conversation.  They are the same type of person who has a blackberry for work just so they can check it at the bar.  Here’s a hint people, if you have to pretend to be important- you’re just not.

Look, you useless temp attorney, when your project’s over, you’re gone.  It doesn’t matter if you are BFF’s with the head of the litigation department; you are still, by definition, TEMPORARY.  I don’t care where you went to law school or which one of your 316 bosses is calling you.  Please STFU, so I can mess around on the internet in peace.


Rant #19: Bitchy Customer Service Reps

January 3, 2012

So, I am trying to plan a trip to the Grand Canyon.  I called to find out about the iconic mule ride.  I KNOW it is last minute, seeing as we are going during this month, but I thought- hey, it’s the off season.

Let me I tell you, if it was ever possible to slap some one through the phone, I hope to speak to this lady again.  What a horrible itchy B.  I started out nice, apologizing for the short notice.  She just wouldn’t have it, saying all sorts of things to make a mule ride sound more important than it is.  You are a customer service rep… there to take reservations.  I am the customer calling to make reservations.  I am not sure why you have a problem taking the freaking reservation!!

She rattled off this list of rules and questions – including asking me if I was pregnant.  Seriously, she abruptly blurted out, “Are you pregnant?” And then followed up with, “Will you be pregnant?”  Ummm…  No.  “Do you speak fluent English?”  Obviously not.  Ugh.  “Will you be at the Grand Canyon 24 hours before the mule trip, so you can weigh in?”  ARE YOU KIDDING?  At this point, I didn’t even know if they had availability.  It turns out they did, but it was $120 a person that needed to be paid at that moment, and there are all sorts of refund conditions.  When I (still, amazingly, politely) asked if there was more than two open spots on the trip and would it be a huge problem if I made my decision tomorrow, SHE TRIED TO BULLY ME.  Look Lady, go back to the Customer Service Training Video and try to pay attention.

It is a Effing Mule Ride…. Which I will not be going on.

This is what I think She looked like.