Rant #34: Job Applications

December 11, 2012

After finally deciding what I am going to do with my life, I have started applying to jobs (again).  So, I scroll and scroll through job listings.  I find a couple that could possibly be decent, so I click on the “apply here” button.  It doesn’t tell me who to email my resume to, nor does it just say attach resume and go.  These listings link to their employers’ redundant sites, asking you to rewrite your resume on a form that you can’t even copy and paste on.  I didn’t spend hours pulling together a resume, formatting it to fit one page, just to redo it all!  WTF.  If I am applying for a job in a tech field, wouldn’t the employer value some tech efficiency? Obviously, these applications are meant to test my patience.  They are put in the way just to filter out people who are dumb enough to think it’s okay to write the same thing over and over again.  Hey, Employers, if you want quality people who function in the work place, try treating us like people.   Seriously, you get what you ask for.

And for all of you people who are currently thinking, “OMG, how can you complain about this process, what if some one sees?” 1) Don’t you think my privacy settings are better than that? 2) Seriously, out of all the things that an employer can see, you think this  is going to send them over the edge? 3) If a potential employer is smart enough to find this blog, I am going to guess they have a better system of applying for employment.

Job-cartoon

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Rant #32: The News

February 10, 2012

I am really tired of reading about a few topics in the news.  Please stop printing anything re the below.

-I don’t want to hear anything else from homophobic people about gay people.  Everyone should have the same rights.  And, who could ever hate on Ellen?  Seriously?  To one million moms – if you let your kids watch Finding Nemo, read Where the Wild Things Are, or listen to Adam Lambert, why do you care about JC Penny?

-Shut up, Gisele.

-I don’t care about the Catholic Church and Birth Control.  This just isn’t a news worthy matter.  We all get it, the Church doesn’t like birth control… How about, choose not to use it and move on?

-Yeah, it’s winter, it might snow.

-All reality “stars” are crackheads that are going to run through all their money.  Time to get over it.

-No more award shows, I just can’t take it.

-Newty-petooty, please just give up.


Rant #31: Fans

February 3, 2012

The Super Bowl is coming up – and this is a really important one, if you are in the North East.  There seems to be a lot of football talk happening… and I like most of it.  But, I HATE A-Hole fans.

Full Disclosure: I am a Giants Fan.  I want the Giants to win.

Not all fans are A-Holes.  (I mean, let’s be serious, not everyone is from Boston… or Philly.)  I have no problem with anyone wanting a team other than “my” team to win.  Zero problem.  I have a problem with fans that feel the need to call great plays made by the other team “lucky” or a “fluke.”  Look people, as much as it kills you to even think it… The guys on the other team worked as hard as “your” guys did.  No matter who wins, the game will be fair.

Also, there is a reason why I am putting quotes around “my” and “your”:  You and I are NOT a part of the Team.  I am not a player for the Giants, so therefore, I am not going to talk shit and say, “we are going to crush you.”  I am sorry, I may love the Giants, but I am not a 250 lbs athletic man.  When we cheer for “our” team, we say, “Go GIANTS!!”  Not, “Go US!!!”

Side Note: Suck it, Pats Fans.


Rant #30: My Friends Stink

February 1, 2012

Some times, I hate my friends.  LOATH. I am angry with them, because they keep making me really jealous of them.  Obviously, there are a lot of great things in my life, because I only rant about first world problems.  (Oh no!  They ran out of strawberries at jamba juice!! Nooooooooo!) But, my friends really suck– they are so spoiled.

There have been a lot of great things happening in my friends’ lives.  A LOT.  This should make me happy, not insanely jealous.  Too bad, I’m me.  Here are the things that my a-hole friends need to stop doing.

-Getting puppies
-Quitting their jobs to travel the world
-Going back to school
-Getting new jobs
-Losing weight
-Going on vacation of any kind
-Drinking without being Hungover
-Getting puppies

You maybe thinking… Those are totally things I could do, if I wasn’t so negative.  Yeah, I am working on it.  In the mean time, all my friends can suck it.  Especially you, Boomer.

Boomer.


Rant #29: Questions for the Ages.

January 30, 2012

I have been pondering these questions.  The nature of the questions will convey my point.

How do you not notice when:

-You pee on the seat?  You have to turn around to flush.
-Spill your beverage in the kitchen?  You have less in your glass.
-Talk on the phone to loudly?  Everyone closes their doors… if they are lucky enough to have doors.
-Share too much personal information?  Seriously, breast pumps are TMI.

Why do you think I care about:

-Your opinion?
-Your ideas surrounding politics?
-What you should get your boyfriend for Valentines Day?
-How much work you claim to be doing?

 Do you really think you are too important to:

-Say please and thank you?
-Remember anyone’s name?
-Put more paper in the printer when it runs out?
-Check your own calendar?
-Use your inside voice inside?

Even Mr. Rude Has Better Manners than You.


Rant #28: Eating Habits

January 27, 2012

I have been holding out on this topic for quite some time.  This is possibly the MOST annoying thing in the world to me.  I can’t even describe the feeling of rage and utter annoyance that a slurp or an open mouth chew gives me.  I should NEVER be able to hear you eat.

If you are going to eat crunchy cereal at work, you better know how to eat properly.  You better close your mouth when you chew, refrain from slurping off your spoon, and be able to put a spoon in your mouth without scraping your teeth across it.  SERIOUSLY PEOPLE… DOES NO ONE ELSE NOTICE???

Manners were a very big part of my upbringing.  Manners at the dinner table were emphasized… to say the least.  They were so important, that if we had a silent supper at my house, you wouldn’t have even known we were eating.

To hear some one eat is truly torture to me.  I understand that I may be a little extreme on this, but to hear you smack your lips while your food and beverage swish around in your mouth, makes me want to simultaneously vomit and punch you so hard you won’t be able to eat for weeks.


Rant #22: Choosing a Restaurant

January 6, 2012

I hate picking places to eat.  I am a vegetarian, and I tend to be the most flexible person I know.  I will go anywhere.  I may not eat anything; I may grab a slice of pizza before or after.  But, I will show up, no problem, to the assigned restaurant.

Maybe it is because New York has TOO many choices.  Maybe it is because people can’t think about anyone but themselves.  For whatever reason, people, even people I like, become a-holes when choosing a restaurant.  They say something like, “I don’t know-  I’ll go where ever you want to go.”  This is a blatant lie.

The conversation goes something like this:

“How about Place A?”
“Ehhh, I don’t like that type of food.”
“How about Place B?”
“Ehhh, that’s too far a way.”
“How about Place C?”
“Ehh, So-and-So can’t eat there.”
“How about Place D?”
“Ehhh, I really don’t feel like that place.”
“How about Place E?”
“Ehhh, it’s too expensive.”

HOW ABOUT YOU PICK THE DAMN PLACE!!