Inappropriate Time to Laugh #15: Alcohol Educator

February 13, 2012

Dear friends,

Since my job sucks so much that it inspired me to write a blog about how stupid everyone else at this place is, it should come as no surprise that I am looking for alternative employment.  That being said, I came across what I thought would be the perfect job for me… Alcohol Educator.

The role of Alcohol Educator would suit me perfectly.  I have had years of experience, enjoy the subject, and can suggest any style of booze on any budget.  Please see the attached photos as examples of my masterful work.  Having gone to a school ranked the #3 party school my freshman year, I have first hand knowledge of important skills pertaining to alcohol consumption, including, but not limiting to, funneling, beirut, kings cup, avoiding the authorities, public urination while avoiding the authorities, breaking up fights, flirting with bouncers to avoid a line and cover charge, bombs, bear fights, wine racks (aka booze bra), shuffle board, jute boxes, quarters (unfortunately), blacking out after getting home, and finally passing out with all of my clothes on.

Unfortunately, as I read the job listing further, it a call for “… an Alcohol Educator who will increase awareness of risks, effective interventions, and prevention activities to address harmful drinking. The Alcohol Educator will educate members, collaborate on the development and delivery of public education campaigns… He/she will manage initiatives to reduce harmful drinking, specifically excessive and underage drinking with an emphasis on high-risk communities.”

Whomps.

Sincerely,

Still Looking For Another Effing Job

Here we go…