Inappropriate Time to Laugh #15: Alcohol Educator

February 13, 2012

Dear friends,

Since my job sucks so much that it inspired me to write a blog about how stupid everyone else at this place is, it should come as no surprise that I am looking for alternative employment.  That being said, I came across what I thought would be the perfect job for me… Alcohol Educator.

The role of Alcohol Educator would suit me perfectly.  I have had years of experience, enjoy the subject, and can suggest any style of booze on any budget.  Please see the attached photos as examples of my masterful work.  Having gone to a school ranked the #3 party school my freshman year, I have first hand knowledge of important skills pertaining to alcohol consumption, including, but not limiting to, funneling, beirut, kings cup, avoiding the authorities, public urination while avoiding the authorities, breaking up fights, flirting with bouncers to avoid a line and cover charge, bombs, bear fights, wine racks (aka booze bra), shuffle board, jute boxes, quarters (unfortunately), blacking out after getting home, and finally passing out with all of my clothes on.

Unfortunately, as I read the job listing further, it a call for “… an Alcohol Educator who will increase awareness of risks, effective interventions, and prevention activities to address harmful drinking. The Alcohol Educator will educate members, collaborate on the development and delivery of public education campaigns… He/she will manage initiatives to reduce harmful drinking, specifically excessive and underage drinking with an emphasis on high-risk communities.”

Whomps.

Sincerely,

Still Looking For Another Effing Job

Here we go…

        


Rant #23: Hungover and Over and Over

January 9, 2012

Holy Moly was I hungover this weekend!  On Friday night, I definitely drank too much.  We went to watch the PBR Bull Riding at MSG.  They served beer in cups with a lid and a straw – bad news bears.  I was drinking beers like they were out of a sippy cup.

I used to be able to drink and be totally fine the next day.  No problem.  As soon as I hit 21, hello hangovers.  As soon as I hit 25, hello MULTIPLE DAY hangovers.  I went out on FRIDAY and I didn’t feel normal until this morning – MONDAY.  What the shit?  I was completely non functional on Saturday – THE WHOLE DAY.  I felt like I was dying.  (Seriously, I was clutching my head and stomach moaning and muttering “Jesus Christ!”) Then, on Sunday, I STILL had a headache and stomach ache… granted I could eat a little bit, and water didn’t taste like a mixture of poison and pennies.  What has changed since the days of keg stands?  Now, it makes me feel so lame, but if some one asked me to do a keg stand, I would laugh at them and say… I’d be Hungover for a week!!