Inappropriate Time to Laugh #15: Alcohol Educator

February 13, 2012

Dear friends,

Since my job sucks so much that it inspired me to write a blog about how stupid everyone else at this place is, it should come as no surprise that I am looking for alternative employment.  That being said, I came across what I thought would be the perfect job for me… Alcohol Educator.

The role of Alcohol Educator would suit me perfectly.  I have had years of experience, enjoy the subject, and can suggest any style of booze on any budget.  Please see the attached photos as examples of my masterful work.  Having gone to a school ranked the #3 party school my freshman year, I have first hand knowledge of important skills pertaining to alcohol consumption, including, but not limiting to, funneling, beirut, kings cup, avoiding the authorities, public urination while avoiding the authorities, breaking up fights, flirting with bouncers to avoid a line and cover charge, bombs, bear fights, wine racks (aka booze bra), shuffle board, jute boxes, quarters (unfortunately), blacking out after getting home, and finally passing out with all of my clothes on.

Unfortunately, as I read the job listing further, it a call for “… an Alcohol Educator who will increase awareness of risks, effective interventions, and prevention activities to address harmful drinking. The Alcohol Educator will educate members, collaborate on the development and delivery of public education campaigns… He/she will manage initiatives to reduce harmful drinking, specifically excessive and underage drinking with an emphasis on high-risk communities.”

Whomps.

Sincerely,

Still Looking For Another Effing Job

Here we go…

        


Inappropriate Time to Laugh #10: So You Think Your Job is Bad…

January 10, 2012

All day, I have just been sitting here listening to people to complain about their jobs.  Whining about other groups getting more than what they have or a boss liking someone else better.  It just makes me laugh.  Not only should they be thankful they have a job in this economy, they should also be thankful that they don’t have my old job.

At my old job, if you didn’t hit 80 hours a week, management didn’t think you were working hard enough.  During these long days, you spent most of the time printing out pages that were only going to be thrown away because someone changed their mind.  You were lucky if you made it through the day without someone calling you stupid, trying to make you look bad, or screaming and swearing at you.  Everyday, someone in the office literally cried.  At one point, someone my level chucked a stapler at a person the level above us.  Yeah, he didn’t get in trouble.  Seriously, nothing happened to him.  This was the type of job that invaded your life– so much so, that when weekends rolled around, and you happened to be out of the office, you dreaded your phone ringing… because you know there was a very real possibility of being told to drop what you were doing, and go straight to work, for three days, without sleep.

These people can groan about having to stay until 7 pm (OMG!!) and not getting to go to some meeting at a hotel.  They can piss their pants about someone else’s benefits.  I just sit here and giggle, because this is cake compared to the soul suck that I used to work at.  Just one time, I would love to watch these people pull a hand truck stacked with 20 boxes across 3rd Ave, and up the ramp to the freight elevator, in suit and 4 inch heels.